


Will you miss me ?

by Weldlys



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell, Angst, M/M, Suicide, Underfell Papyrus, Underfell Sans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 17:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10223735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weldlys/pseuds/Weldlys
Summary: Sans and Papyrus made a choice. But only Papyrus had to live with it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Actually, I was writing something entirely different and this idea pop up screaming : “Write me first !”. So… I did XD  
> It’s really different from “Waiting for the baby”, and please mind the warning.  
> Again, if you find any mistake or if something is in a weird English, please tell me. It will help me to improve myself :D  
> (Oh et I don't know if tag correctly ? I'm still knew to this system XD)

It was meant to happen. Papyrus looked calmly at the pile of dust in front of him. It was for the best. For him, and for Sans. Kill or be killed. That was how their world worked. Without a place for the weak. They can grow stronger. Or they can die. After years of a meaningless life, Sans had finally made his choice. Actually, it was surprising that it did not happen sooner. It would have been better. For both of them. Sans never was a part of this world. He had only been slowing down Papyrus.

Nevertheless, it was his brother. Papyrus expected to feel something as watched the dust. But strangely, his mind was blank. He did not feel anything special. No joy, but no sorrow either. Maybe he had grown used to seeing dust ? Maybe it no longer mattered who that dust belonged to ? In a certain way, the thought sounded strange to him. Like if deep down, he knew that he should care, at least a little. He shook his head, hoping to chase away these thoughts. He had wanted to become stronger, and thinking that dust was nothing just showed that he will survive longer.

Papyrus did not move for a few minutes. The last words of his brother still echoed in his mind. Useless and pathetic. They did not mean anything for him. Has Sans hoped that he would change his mind because of that ?

But Papyrus did not regret anything. He asked for it. It was the best thing to do.

Now he could focus on his dream. He would not have to take care of Sans. It will be easier. He tried to convince himself that he will be happier somehow. No need to take care of his lazy brother, the house will be cleaner, no more stupid puns. And he won’t feel this stupid worry when his brother came back home late.

He turned his back on the pile of dust. There was nothing more for him here. He did not bother to collect the dust for proper funeral. Someone weak like him did not deserve it.

Back in their home, Papyrus started to cleaning everything. He meticulously erased every proof that another skeleton once lived here. That was his home now. He won’t tolerate this mess anymore.

It was only when he realized that he made too much lasagna, that is struck him. He was alone.

 

Rumours spread fast. They said that he killed his brother. Some found it awful, other only found it fair that he finally got rid of that useless monster. No one actually asked him for the truth. He saw that Undyne wanted to question him at first but finally said nothing. Even if she did question him, Papyrus had no idea of what he would have answered. Was not the truth worse than the rumors ? He did not know. And he did not want people to know. As long as they stayed away from him, he did not care.

It was better this way. People were afraid of him. And that made him feel powerful. Nobody dared to approach him. Nobody tried to mess with him. Finally he was respected and feared. That what he had always wanted to achieve. He was closer than ever from being at the head of the royal guards.

Then, why did he feel… hollow ?

Papyrus could not forget Sans. He tried. He wanted to erase him of his life. Sans was not here anymore. He chose this. But he always woke up ten minutes early to get Sans out of bed. He always cooked for two. He always looked at the clock, wondering if he had to drag Sans out of Grillby’s again. And then, he remembered. Sans was dust.

Every time, the realisation startled him. But he guessed that it was only logical. He had always been with Sans at his side. He just needed time to adapt himself. A little voice inside told him that he will never adapt. He preferred to not listen.

 

Once again, Papyrus lay awake in his bed. He could not sleep.

He hugged himself and curled up. Maybe he missed some physical contact ? Was that why he was so cold ? Against his will, the memories of these nights came back to his mind. Nights where they were together. Papyrus could almost feel Sans pressed against him, almost hear his moans.

This was only entertainment. He knew that it had been different for his brother. But for him, it meant nothing. And it was not because they sometimes cuddled in the couch, or kissed at Sans’s sentry station, that it was love. It helped to control Sans. That was all. There never was something more. Not even when he woke up in the middle in the night, missing Sans’s presence by his side.

He admitted that maybe he was lonely. However, he did not miss Sans. He refused to miss him. He could not miss that worthless trash. So why was he so hard to forget ? Why was not he able move on ?

Papyrus still was not moving. Because if he wiped the tears away, he would acknowledge them. And he was not crying. Not over his dead brother.

He was just lonely. He had never been lonely before. That was why his soul ached. That was why he felt hollow. It was not some kind of remorse. It could not be remorse.

 

Papyrus did not know why he came here. He was wandering in the forest and he arrived without thinking. But there was nothing to see. Nothing for him. The wind had spread the dust away. Who knows where they were now ? He did not care, he repeated to himself. However, it was harder everyday to convince himself that he “did not care.”

As he stared into nothing, the scene replayed in his mind. He still remembered it perfectly.

They were going home after a day of sentries duties. Sans had tried to hold his hand, but Papyrus did not let him. He would not indulge affection, especially where anyone can see them. To sum up, it was a normal day. And then, Sans suddenly stopped. Papyrus walked a few step ahead before he stopped to look at his brother.

“What are you doing ?”

Without answering, Sans avoided his gaze. They stayed like this a few seconds, Papyrus slowly losing his patience. He opened his mouth to yelled at his brother but Sans talked first.

“Boss… If I die, will you miss me ?” He asked. His voice was so quiet that Papyrus was not sure that he heard him right.

What ? Why was he asking that ? Papyrus was confused. But just for a second. Because he knew the answer.

“No.”

Sans flinched, still not looking at Papyrus. Nevertheless, Papyrus had the feeling that Sans expected that answer. He did not look surprised. Just extremely sad.

“Why would I ? You’re useless, weak and lazy. If I was not here, you would be dead.” added Papyrus. He talked like it did not matter. As if the life of his brother was not important. As if it never was important. “And I’m not killing because you are my brother. Only because of that.”

This time, Sans did not react. He stayed where he was, unmoving. Papyrus did not regret his words. It was true. He won’t comfort his pathetic brother. Now, they had better things to do. He was hungry and he had a training with Undyne tomorrow.

“Let’s go Sans.”

Sans will follow, like usual. Without a word, he will try to not get noticed as they go through Snowdin. They will come home and go on with their life.

But Sans was still not moving.

Papyrus resisted the urge to sigh. What was it this time ? Did Sans really asked for being beaten up ? He made a step to get closer to his brother. He wanted to grab his arm and drag him to their house if necessary.

However, Sans’s voice stopped him.

“Because you think I’ll stay with you after that ?” Sans turned to finally look at his brother. The tears he had tried to hold back were freely running down his cheek. “You think I’ll just follow you without a word ? In this place where everyone hates me ?”

At first, Papyrus seemed surprised by this outburst but he quickly smirked. Sans was not expecting that. He talked back to Boss. He supposed that it will get him hurt. And there, there was nothing but that smirk.

“No. I don’t expect you to, brother.” Papyrus calmly said.

For a second, Sans thought that Papyrus had gained a little respect for him. Maybe he liked to see that Sans can defend himself a little. But it was not like Boss. He was too scared to hope. And he was right.

Papyrus summoned a sharp red bone in his hand and thrown it at Sans’s feet.

“Do what you have to.”

“What ?” Sans’s voice was shaking. He did not understand what was happening. He did not want to. He was petrified. Despite his previous refusal to follow him, he still felt dependant of his brother. He regretted his previous words. He should have followed Papyrus. Why did he talk back ? Papyrus did not want him by his side now. What could he do ? He needed his brother. He needed Papyrus.

Sans started to shake. He knew that they crossed a line and that scared him. He should not have asked that question in the first place. Papyrus’ answer was predictable. He knew it. But Papyrus had been gentler recently. And that made him hope. He should have known better. In this world, there was no place for love.

“I want you to do your choice. Try to kill me. Or kill yourself.” Papyrus explained. It was time. Sans had been enough of a coward. He needed to change.

Sans froze.

“Wh-Why ?”

“Because it’s time. I won’t be your babysitter anymore. As I said, you are useless. So don’t mind me. If you fight, I’ll survive to it. And if you die… Well… I won’t miss you.”

They stared at each other. Papyrus won’t take back his words. At that moment, he firmly believed in them. He was simply waiting for his brother.

Sans was completely lost. His own brother just told him that he could commit suicide and he would not care. What was he supposed to do ? He could end this. This miserable existence. He would never be happy here. He could finish everything right now. And Papyrus won’t miss him, would he ?

Sans felt so alone. He had the feeling that the pain in his soul could kill him. Since the disappearance of Gaster, his whole life had been about Papyrus. He loved his brother so much. And this brother just told him that he could die ? There nothing else to add. What could he do ?

Maybe… Maybe Papyrus will be happier. Maybe that the only thing he can do for his brother. If it was for him, he won’t regret anything.

“Okay. I will do it.” He was surprised that his voice was not shaking. But he made his choice.

He picked up the bones and summoned his soul. His hands were slightly shaking but he firmly held his soul and the bone. He put the tip of the bones against his red soul. But he looked right into Papyrus’ eyes. Papyrus did not think he already saw him so determined.

“But don’t forget, brother. I love you.” This last words were soft. Sans really meant it, with all his soul. It was his way to say, “I’m doing this for you.”. And he became dust.

And here was Papyrus. He remembered those words. “I love you.” They have not left his mind since. No matter how much he did want to forget. No need to have memories of Sans. Nevertheless, he had wondered why Sans choose this as his last words. Some may said that Papyrus was his murder. That was kind of true. So why he chose these words ?

They did not change anything. He did not regret anything. Papyrus put his hands on his head’s side, where his hears should be. He refused to hear that anymore. His brother’s love did not change anything. He did not want to hear it. It was for the best. Sans had to die !

It was meant to happen. Now he could follow his dream, he could… Papyrus could not ignore his tears anymore. They were here, running down his face since the last few minutes.

This world was “kill or be killed.”. A cruel world, without place for love. However, Sans had loved him until the last moment. Hate would have been easier to bear. Hate would have eased the… remorse.

He was not able to hide it anymore. It was useless. He was not able to run away. He had wanted to be strong. He had tried desperately. But he could not.

Papyrus missed Sans. No matter how much he tried to lie to himself, or tried to push the feeling away. He missed him.

As he admitted the truth, all these feelings he tried to hold back overwhelmed him. Remorse. Grief. Pain. Loneliness. It was like a part of his own soul has disappeared with his brother.

“I love you”. This words would never have an answer. Only because he had been stupid. He had been foolish and arrogant. He realizes that now. He sacrificed his own family, the only person that always loved him. He wanted to go back. He wanted to tell that he loved him too. He wanted to apologize to him. But it was impossible. The past was behind him. He could never go back to it.

His legs trembled. He let himself fall on his knees. He was cold. But not because of the snow. He was cold inside. He felt like the pain in his soul could kill him. And maybe he would feel better if it actually could. He silently sobbed. Not long ago, his brother would have hold him to comfort him. But it will never happen again.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m sorry Sans. I’m sorry. I was stupid.”

He kept saying these words over and over, half hoping to get an answer. He was drowning in regret, unable to think straight. He wanted his big brother by his side.

“I’m sorry.”

But he was alone.


End file.
